Below is the @pourmecoffee fine print and master inventory of canned responses to be used in the event of possible conflict, updated as necessary. Rarely needed due to the coolest group of readers ever, but they live here in a handy format just in case. The numbers are for reference only and do not reflect any priority ranking.

1. It is solely your responsibility to find the hilarity in the humor. No joke explanations.
2. Please tell me more about how I might use my time and talent to perfectly match your unique sensibilities!
3. Thank you for praying for me.
4. I acknowledge your insult and will insult you back if time permits.
5. I don't do a lot of extended arguing on the Internet. For me, this is a break from work for fun and ego. Argue with someone else.
6. I acknowledge your attempt to improve upon my joke from an opposing ideological view.
7. I stipulate that you are a very big deal online.
8. Guess what? If you insult me or say something annoying, I'm going to block you because you are not paying me and I'm not giving you my time and talent for free only to have you be a jerk.
9. I acknowledge that you are going to unfollow me, but do not care. This is for fun.
10. I am usually too lazy to block; you may have to unfollow me yourself if you need the rush.
11. I get that you were offended by something. Sensibilties differ. I am not judging yours or changing mine.
12. How can I joke about "x?" I thought it was funny. I like joking about stuff.
13. I understand that "x" is super-important to you. It's not that I disagree with your priorities, I just don't care to defend mine.
14. I occasionally feel bad about not replying and retweeting a lot, but I only have so much Twitter time and I think the best thing I can offer is some original content rather than unoriginal niceties.
15. I am a libertartian absolutist about Twitter: tweet whatever you want, follow whoever you want, for whatever reason.

What to do if you are still unsatisfied: http://j.mp/unfollowpmc.

Please keep in mind, this post is merely an inventory of boilerplate conflict responses. Writing @pourmecoffee is pure fun.

Link to this post: http://j.mp/pmcfineprint.

Beware the TweetNazi: http://j.mp/tweetnazi

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